Questioning

My mind is full of questions. Always. 🙂

I guess that’s all a part of being human, am I right? We were given the opportunity to question and we should question everything. I firmly believe that. I mean who would want a bunch of drones worshiping you? They wouldn’t be doing so of their own free will but rather because you created them for that purpose.

Bear with me here as I go off on a little tangent today… I promise that I try not to weigh y’all down too heavily with my thoughts but today I need to get them off my chest.

I believe that we are given the ability with our amazing brain to come up with our own conclusions. To investigate and question the status quo. To hear the voice calling and respond. I can completely understand how with all the searching that we can miss the voice calling. Some will never hear it.

Of course, to some people reading this they’ll think of my rambling thoughts and hearing a voice as a sign that I’m a crazy person. In fact, I had a similar conversation with someone recently about this very subject and he just couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that there could be a divine creator and yet still allow such an imperfect world. “What is the point?” he said.

That’s a very good question. My response is, what is the point otherwise? Why would we, as animals, become so superior intellectually through evolution if there wasn’t some greater purpose? Why do we not behave as animals and remain selfish? Why is there something inside (most of us) that gives us empathy that is lacking in other species?

Of course, I have questions…

Like why am I only attracted to non-believers? Why can’t I find a person who feels as I do about eternal life? Why do the people I meet who do believe as I do, not have the chemistry needed for long-term success? I feel there is this strange dichotomy in my relationships. Like I need to make a choice. Is it important for me to share a faith with someone and have that side of me fully developed or is it more important that the day to day chemistry and interests are fully represented? Since I cannot answer my own question I will continue to keep looking, I guess.

I recently reconnected with an ex and he said, as does most everyone, “I can’t believe you haven’t married and especially haven’t had any kids. You deserve a great guy with a huge heart. I hope you find him some day.” It’s almost encouraging. Almost. Because I feel the same way. I can’t believe I haven’t found someone that I have that connection with and that we mutually desire a life together. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met people that I thought we were right and they thought we were wrong and vice versa.

So, here I am, contemplating my life and my purpose, once again. What do I want? What is keeping me from what I want? Where do I go from here?

Recently I reconnected with someone I had dated briefly 6 years ago. We really picked up right where we left off. Great chemistry. Same tastes in music, movies, food, weather, reading, you name it. And he’s an atheist. It’s like some evil force is rubbing it in my face that in order for me to maintain my relationship with my creator I must forgo the relationships with men here on this Earth. I don’t believe that is God’s plan for me. I don’t believe that he wants me to live my life alone but I don’t understand why these people keep crossing  my path.

I guess it serves its purpose. It draws me closer to Him. It reminds me of how important that relationship is in my life and to what lengths I will go to maintain the relationship. As much as I enjoy the company of these gentleman they pale in comparison to the satisfaction I gain from my relationship with Christ. Now, if only I could combine the two… I guess my only option is to continue praying about it. Asking for guidance. Living my life to the best of my ability. Showing God’s love as he has requested (Parable of the Good Samaritan).

Anyway, enough rambling. Hope that y’all have a wonderful weekend and are enjoying the beautiful weather of autumn! I’m trying to enjoy it as much as I can. Also, I’m going to see the new movie (documentary) Waiting for Superman, which should be quite interesting. As you may or may not know, I finished up teacher’s certification and am currently taking a graduate course in Primary Education and find the subject quite fascinating. I’m also a member of the Children’s Movement here in Florida and I encourage everyone I know to get involved in their own local community to help reform our education system. We need to do something besides sitting back and watching us become less competitive globally. TAKE ACTION PEOPLE! 🙂

– MissCaron

Also, here is a good presentation on why I believe what I believe and why I consider myself a Methodist.

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as you ever can.
..

John Wesley

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4 thoughts on “Questioning

  1. First of all your are not crazy. And oh how wonderful it is to come across someone who has relationship with our Lord God. I read your blog as I was listening to K Love and it was playing Starry Night by Chris August. If you don’t listen to K Love you should, and if you’ve never heard that song you can listen to it under my tab “God is Good”. ANYWHO! Your beautiful, and I can say that with not even knowing you! I KNOW how hard it is to find someone of the same faith and love for Christ. I live in Utah, need I say more. But really for so many years I dealt with people who were of another faith and it never can work out in the long run. EVER. And then I found my husband. We met on Match.com. If you haven’t tried it, you seriously should. I recommend it to everyone. Anyway, he had broke away from the Mormon faith years ago but had no desire to seek. Until he met me. You should see the guy now. OH MAN IT’S BEAUTIFUL! And it is possible. His daily attempt to put God first and foremost is moving. I love him, and I want you to know that you WILL find a good, God loving man. I assure you.

  2. Thanks for being so open and honest.

    I grew up in a split home, my mother was a Christian and my father was an atheist. She told me that when she fell in love with him, she was determined to “change” him and make him a Christian. For the 20 years that they were married, she never did. It caused a huge rift in their marriage and there was always a little unspoken tension. I know that she wishes she had stuck to her guns and married a Christian.

    I think it’s amazing that you are holding out for a Christian. It’s hard! I know! I feel like every man I met that I really clicked with was an atheist, until I met my husband.

    1. Thank you for not running in the opposite direction when I post about my faith. I don’t talk about it all the time but it is an important part of who I am and I feel it would be disingenuous to keep my mouth shut when I have something to say 🙂

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