where u be?

Hey y’all…

So, I have yet another sinus infection.

I’m so over this getting sick crap. Or this let’s throw out my back while I’m in the middle of moving crap. But, I digress. My doc is trying out a few new allergy meds to see if we can keep this from happening. The post-nasal drip is what gets me every time and nothing I take seems to even touch it… not even Benadryl. All that stuff does is dry my sinuses out and make me sleepy and yet I still have the dripping down the back of the throat. Constant dripping…

Yum. I know, I know… such an awesome subject to talk about.

Let’s move on, shall we?

How about the fact that I took NyQuil last night for the first time in ages and instead of the “nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, fever, best sleep you ever got with a cold medicine” I had the “lets wake up every few hours for no obvious reason and have really screwed up dreams cold medicine”.

Ever had that one?

NyQuil you lie. You do not make me feel better. Hopefully this Z-Pak will make me feel better. I think that even though I’ve slept most of today I’ll probably go to bed here soon.

It’s super fun feeling like crap.

So, instead of talking about that… let’s analyze my crazy dreams

I’m pretty sure that they were all separate dreams but to me it seemed like one big long one and when I tell the story it’s much more fun as a big long one so here goes:

I’m at a resort with my family. We’re in some sort of roof-top suite thing with a pool, and no guard-rail over the edge to the street below. Awesome. So, we’re hanging out by the pool and I’m all pissed because I don’t have a bathing suit. Then some random lady and her child come in and start swimming in our pool and she’s letting the daughter wander all around the deck with no worry that she’ll get too close to the edge and fall off the roof nor is she worried that this little toddler can’t swim well and could easily fall in the pool if she’s not standing right there and I’m the ONLY one who seems to a) care that this stranger is in our suite or b) about the safety of the child. Everyone is just carrying on with their conversations and crap and I’m getting silently more and more pissed. Even more awesome.

Cut to me driving some sort of get away vehicle to somewhere and my sister, Ashley, is in the passenger seat. I think this vehicle is a truck. I’m not sure. But there is a bunch of crap at my feet that’s making it impossible for me to control the pedals. I keep asking her to grab the blanket and move it, grab this shirt that’s wound around the pedal, grab this stuffed animal that’s down there, and then there’s another blanket or pillow or something and I’m just super pissed that I can’t seem to get it all out of the way and more keeps appearing and I have basically no real control over the vehicle but I’m trying to keep me and my sister safe as we’re speeding down the road. Great.

Cut to a kitchen scene where I’m talking to someone about how I have too much to do and no one ever helps me. Taking care of the kids is a full time job, I tell them, and I can’t do it all and everything else. Then I hear crying and go over to an empty bassinet. The person is still trying to talk to me and is telling me that I’m imagining things and that it can’t be as overwhelming as I think. Meanwhile I’ve reached into the empty bassinet and pulled out an imaginary baby (there is no baby in my arms) and for some reason I start breast-feeding said imaginary baby and this person is saying to me about how there is no baby and I’m crazy and I should get help and I’m yelling back about how overwhelmed I am and they just don’t understand but I look down and see that there is no baby there but for some reason my brain thinks there is… or something.

Okay, that’s pretty much all I remember.

WTF?

Am I going crazy?

I certainly was in that last dream for sure. I think that a lot of my dream sequence was me feeling out of control. I do feel like that a lot. I have a thing with always wanting things to go just so and when they don’t I feel very uncomfortable. I think that lately I’ve also been feeling like things that I want to happen aren’t happening and I’m trying really hard to be patient but it’s hella difficult. Maybe my dreams are a way of me dealing with all those issues while I’m sleeping?

SO WEIRD!

Thoughts?

P.S. I just did a bit of research and the internet is telling me that I’m frustrated because I don’t have a family of my own (very true) and that the pool and some other things have to do with money and my fears of being financially secure (also very true). The constant struggle in my dreams, like the stuff beneath the seat causing me to not have control over the car is how I feel in my own life… which, I already pretty much knew. I know that I want things to be a lot different than they are but I do feel content. I mean, at least I think I do. I like my new place. I feel very happy here. I’m trying hard to “bloom where planted” and not constantly wanting things to be what I think they should be but instead be happy with what I have. It’s hard. Maybe that’s what all those dreams were about? Maybe the NyQuil just allowed me to go into a deeper REM state and my anxieties were dealt with through my dreams last night?

Oh well. Hope y’all are having a great week so far! Many of y’all have kids back in school or are back in school yourself. It’s that time of the year for sure. I’ve decided to only take one class this term though I originally thought I’d take two. The class is called Primary Education. It is all about the theories and practices revolving around K-3rd grade really. Should be quite interesting. I’ve already learned a bunch and have only had one class! It might be a lot of work for this semester and I don’t know if I really want a LOT of work. I just like a challenge and I love learning so I thought I’d take advantage of the class being that it’s provided by the University at no cost.

Wish me luck!

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