Actual conversations with students … and a little wishful thinking

Conversation with an actual university student:

Student: “I need to take out a loan for summer term.”
Myself: “Okay, the Summer Aid Request is available on-line in your on-line account. I cannot guarantee that your aid will be pending your fees in time for the payment deadline but it can definitely help with reimbursement.”
Student: “What do you mean?”
Myself: “Well, it’s April 27 and fees are due May 15 and it is taking about 2-3 weeks to process the form.”
Student: “But no one told me I had to fill something out.”
Myself: “The form has been available since March 15 and information was posted on our website. The summer term is not a traditional semester and we don’t know who will or will not be attending the summer so we leave it up to the student to contact us or research on our website for more information.”
Student: “But I didn’t know. No one told me I needed to do it. Can’t you just process it right away?”
Myself: “I’m sorry but we can’t put you in front of others who have already submitted their form.”

Or how about this response from a student:

“Oh my God, so I was, like, trying to look it up on-line, but, like, I couldn’t find it. I mean, like, it’s so hard to search on-line, and, like, I don’t know where anything is.”

Or this response (after waiting 7 minutes to speak with a representative …):

“Can you tell me if the college of business advising office is still open?”

On a separate note … in response to the complaint that the registration time was not suitable for the student and that he wanted the time changed because “it wasn’t fair” … this is a co-workers’ wishful response:

“Yes you can change your time ticket. But, first, using APA format, write a paper detailing why you are special and that the rules either don’t apply to you, or should be altered for your case. Be sure to include details about how much better/cuter you are than everyone else with your time ticket and hours. Be specific. Citations from third parties are encouraged. Mail these documents in a sealed envelope with a $50 processing fee (made to myself) and allow 6-8 weeks for review. Since that is obviously going to take longer than it will to register, just shut your mouth and deal with it.”