Category Archives: about me

I said YES

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I know that I’ve been absent from this here blog. I’m not the best at sticking with this thing. I’ve felt like I thought I had things to say but then real life got in the way. I really need to just make time to do this. I enjoy writing and sharing my  story with y’all so I’m going to make a better effort. Besides I need some place I can share all my thoughts about this impending wedding.

SO EXCITING.

I really wondered at times if it would ever happen for me. I wondered if I was going to find the right person that I really enjoyed being with and who enjoyed being with me. I will say that, in my case, eHarmony actually worked. It really was a great vessel to introduce me to Craig and I’m so thankful that Jeannie talked me into giving it a try.

Craig and I really enjoy each other’s company. We ride bikes and take walks on the beach. We have great conversations. We watch the news and debate the issues. We make time every Sunday evening for Downton Abbey. We go to church and are currently doing a bible study every night to help us set this marriage off on the right track.

We’re very blessed.

-Caron

My lumberjack

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Craig is a muscular man. He takes good care of himself and it shows. He’s not overly done in a macho-man sort of way but I appreciate that he could save me from a burning building. Sometimes, I liken him to a lumberjack of sorts. He’s quite manly and outdoorsy and I like that about him. Then sometimes I hear this song in my head…

.
I wanted to be… a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree, as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The Giant Redwood. The Larch. The Fir! The mighty Scots Pine! The lofty flowering Cherry! The plucky little Apsen! The limping Roo tree of Nigeria. The towering Wattle of Aldershot! The Maidenhead Weeping Water Plant! The naughty Leicestershire Flashing Oak! The flatulent Elm of West Ruislip! The Quercus Maximus Bamber Gascoigni! The Epigillus! The Barter Hughius Greenus!
With my best gal by my side, we’d sing! Sing! Sing!
 
[singing]
I’m a lumberjack, and I’m okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day.
.

LOVE that sketch… though I must admit, even though that song comes to mind whenever someone mentions the word “lumberjack,” I know for certain that my lumberjack isn’t a cross-dresser. LOL

really!?!

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Well, it happened… I finally received communication from my biological father. This was the text he sent me: “Still the silence? My love has always been the same good or bad times that’s what being your dad is. Love you. Dad.”

REALLY!?!

I mean, he literally doesn’t get it. He really has no idea what’s going on. THIS, folks, is why I’m partially insane. Remember how I said that when he did communicate he would act as if it is my fault? Yeah. Exactly. He goes and gets married for the fourth time, doesn’t invite me, doesn’t even casually mention it, shows up at a dinner with wedding bands and says nothing. But, of course, it’s my fault. I’m sure he’s thinking that I should have said something. Like it was my job to notice the rings and comment and congratulate them.

Of course, then you add the fact that he didn’t call me when my grandmother went in the hospital. But, I’m sure that’s my fault as well. I mean, if I had only noticed the rings or called more often, or whatever. Because, of course, he’s busy and needs to be forgiven for things but I have all the time in the world and it’s always the daughter to be the responsible one, right? Why not?

You know, sometimes I have such crippling insecurity. People who meet me think that I’m super confident and happy and able to do anything. I’m not. I’m a sad little girl who gets her feelings hurt very easily. I’m a sad little girl who builds up walls and sabotages relationships because of the fear. It’s like, well, I know they’re just going to forget about me and move on to something else, so I might as well just end it now. I mean, why bother putting all that effort in when you just know it’s not going to work out anyway.

THIS is what goes on in my head.

I know, it’s irrational, I’ve mentioned that before. I get it. I’ve been through therapy. I know what I need to do. I’ve read the books. I’ve studied scripture. It’s still there. It will always be there. I will never be able to get rid of the hurt. Last night, I was in full-on sabotage mode with Craig. It was awful. I tried not to but it was like the devil took over. I’m a freakin idiot. The worst part about all it it is that this was over text. I clearly could have proof-read my neurosis and edited myself to not sound crazy and yet I still hit send. It’s like deep down inside I WANT to push him away. Thankfully he hasn’t given up on me but he did say: “You make it tough pretty girl.”

That’s me. I make it tough. I ruin things before they really begin. Just when things start going well. It’s so much easier to just RUIN IT. The worst part of this whole thing is that I KNOW I’m doing it. I watch it happen. I see it come out and hear the words and yet I’m helpless to stop it. Y’all. I have such issues. I’m so thankful that y’all let me vent here.

I need to work on being better about keeping my thoughts in my head and not speaking them out-loud. I know I can do this. I know that I can be better about relaxing and going with the flow and not worrying so much and just enjoying each moment as it comes. I know I can do this. Again, I’m asking for you to continue praying. Pray that I get my shit together. Pray that I’m able to forgive my father and to stop trying to change him. Pray that I’m able to let go of the hurt and just live my life and be happy.

Thanks.

P.S. Today was a much better day than yesterday. His joy comes with the morning! Also, Craig is obviously not giving up on me because we’re going to the Jags game on Thursday evening. :-)

happy

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That’s how I feel right now. Craig is turning out to be a very special part of my life and I’m truly grateful. We had a wonderful weekend. He’s an amazing chef. He’s incredibly intelligent. We have fantastic chemistry. Plus, we have such a good time just “being” you know? Good times on the couch reading and hanging out. It really was a perfect day. So, that’s all I have for now. I don’t want to get too carried away. I hope y’all understand.

On another note I splashed scalding hot water on my arm (by accident) today at work. It HURT. We have an instant hot and I was using it to rinse out and clean the cup I keep here at work and reuse for my water each day. I know better. I’m usually very careful. Good thing we also have an ice machine so I was able to immediately ice my arm. I just pray it doesn’t blister. Anyway, that’s all for now. Thanks for listening.

God bless y’all. Hope this week is a good one! :-)

My Style

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One of my favorite blogs to follow is Young House Love. John and Sherry are incredibly talented DIY’ers and as an added bonus they live in my home state of Virginia so they have a little soft spot in my heart. Yesterday they did a funny post about how style quizzes can end up with some weird results so I decided to take the quiz myself.

Over at Ethan Allen you can determine your own personal style by viewing pairs of pictures and clicking on the one that most calls to you. When I took the quiz it told me that my style is Vintage.

I can honestly say that I was quite surprised that they pegged me correctly. I figured that I would end up with something that I really didn’t feel represented me and my style however this is pretty much dead on.

I do really like this style of living room. I like the paneled walls, I love the lamp on the end-table, and I think the bookshelf/console table thing would fit right in at my house.

This living room, however, is much more my style. I would be a little worried about the white slipcover but I guess the fact that it could be washed is a factor to consider. I love the walls and I love the prints and giant wall clock. I even dig the lamps.

This next room is what threw me off. I understand where they were going… it looks like something that would have been found in a farm house long ago. But the white is really not my style. Although, I currently have a white hutch and breakfront in my dining room that was given to me from my mother so I guess even though it’s not my favorite thing it really does fit in with my style.

The next room stood out to me because I’ve been eyeing a very similar cabinet over at Pottery Barn for quite some time now only on a smaller scale.

Next up is a lovely office that has those ladder shelves I also had been eyeing at Pottery Barn only slightly different. There’s that giant clock on the wall again that I particularly adore and the wood finishing on the walls as well.

Next up was a very nice media cabinet for a family room. I have to mention that I do not care for the chairs and especially do not care for the fabric pattern on the chairs but I do like that cabinet layout with plenty of book shelves and concealed storage beneath.

Then they showed me a picture of a dining room and I have to admit I’d been thinking about something like that for my dream home one day.

Finally, they showed me a picture of a living room and I am absolutely in love with the couch. I have to say that the color isn’t my first choice but I love the texture of the fabric and the turned legs. I especially love the seagrass lamp sitting on the end-table. Of course, the flowery print of the pillows and ottoman just aren’t doing it for me. I think that they might be confusing “vintage” with “grandma”.

Over all I’d have to say that Ethan Allen had some pretty nice stuff to chose from and pretty much had a good grasp on my personal style. I think that their version of “vintage” tends to be more farmhouse than I would particularly go for but overall they did a pretty good job.

So, go on over to their website and take the style quiz and let me know what it says about you. Do you think it judged you correctly or is it way off?

C25K

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Well, I did it.

(source)

The last time I went running for real was over 3 years ago. I’m a major slacker. Mostly I was just pissed that I was running solid 5K’s and then hadn’t done anything for a while and would have to start all over again. Or so it felt.

So, I’m getting back into it by following the Couch to 5K program. I’m proud to say that I did a run/walk for 30 mins last night and mostly ran even when the C25K program had me walking. AND, I didn’t die. LOL. I seriously was a little lightheaded when I finished but other than feeling sore my lungs managed to cooperate and I didn’t feel winded.

EXCITING.

It’s much too hot to run outdoors after work so I’m running on a treadmill but it’s better than sitting at home on my lazy butt per usual. Plus, it helps that this chick made a kick-ass playlist with the cues to change built in so I’m running to some good tunes. Check it out.

So good. Made the time fly by and kept me pumped while I was running so I didn’t notice how hard it was. I definitely recommend either downloading some podcast playlists for the C25K program or creating your own through something like GarageBand using the download they have. It really works well to have something else provide you the cues to change it up so you’re not having to count.

Anyway, just thought I’d share. Hope y’all are having a fantastic summer!

The Journey

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No, not that kind of Journey although you know they’re my fav…

Hey y’all… I know I’ve been away for awhile. I’ve been collecting my thoughts. Praying. Keeping busy. Here’s the deal, I’m stuck in a rut. I need a change. I need things to be different. I need to be happy… with my job, with my life, etc.

I know that I’m super blessed. I have a roof over my head. I have a job that affords me the ability to go out with my friends once in a while and to buy new shoes if I want. I’m healthy. I have family and friends that love me.

But…

I feel stagnant. I don’t feel like I’m growing spiritually and I don’t feel like I’m growing personally and I certainly don’t feel like I’m growing professionally.

So, I’m making some changes.

First, I cut my hair. I promise to upload a picture as soon as I take one that’s not me and my cell phone in the bathroom mirror.

Also, I am teaching a bible study come fall about standing in the shelter of God’s promises.

I have my good friend, Liz (my old roommate), moving back in with me which will afford me the ability to take a trip this October. More on that later.

Finally, I signed up for eHarmony.

I know. I know.

I’m just as skeptical as you are. Here’s the thing… I complain because it’s not that I can’t meet men it’s that I can’t meet decent ones. I’ve tried Match and I met a bunch of people with very little social skills (and there is a reason they can’t get a girlfriend) or overly adept social skills (as in those of the douchebaggery sort).

I know that I’m a lot to handle. I read a lot and watch mostly PBS but I like sports and going camping. I want to find someone that I’m super attracted to but who has an amazing brain. I think that I need to widen my search past my little southern town and I like that eHarmony matches you instead of someone looking through pictures and winking because they think you’re hot.

I need something more.

So, I’m going to document my journey here on this blog that has gotten little use as of late. I hope you’ll come along with me for the ride.

Who I am… Who are you?

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Who I Am…

I am… 32 years old.

I want… to be content (in all things).

I have… a desire to change the world.

I wish… to have a family some day.

I hate… when people are selfish.

I fear… being stuck in a rut.

I hear… God’s voice of reassurance.

I search… to renew my faith in God.

I wonder… if I will find the love of my life.

I regret… holding on to toxic friendships because I want people to like me.

I love… my family (and good friends).

I ache… when I see what looks to be a happy family.

I always… try to find the good in people.

I usually… am early to most events.

I am not… afraid to speak my mind (to my detriment sometimes).

I dance… anywhere (Publix, a bar, the car, you name it).

I sing… in the car as loud as I want.

I never… ever have been good at math.

I sometimes… make fun of people even when I know it’s wrong.

I cry… when I feel alone.

I am not always… as cautious as I should be (I’m a jump in the deep end before I notice that I’m in over my head).

I lose… my temper sometimes.

I am confused… about God’s plan for my life.

I need… to remember that HE is in control.

I should… spend more time in the Word.

Who Are You?


ME

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I love my church and attend weekly services as well as bible study but that doesn’t mean I’m perfect. I like nothing better than going out for a drink with friends after a long week. I firmly believe when Ben Franklin said that beer is proof that God loves us. I love learning and I don’t have cable but I do have internet at home. I don’t play video games except for my secret love for The Sims. I love to read and usually have about three books going at any given time. I like watching shows like This Old House and my Netflix queue usually has something like Downton Abbey or West Wing. I like Broadway shows but not so much that I literally know every word to every one. I like golf and football but not so much that I feel glued to the television. I look forward to the Riverside Avondale Preservation Tour of Homes each year and walking through the lovingly restored old homes. I also really enjoy spending the day at the beach soaking up the sun. I was a Political Science major in college so I love debating the issues of the day but by no means do I think that I’m always right about any given issue. I try very hard to keep an open mind. I excel socially and consider myself a people-person but I also love to just relax and veg out at home alone. I love to travel and have been around the country and out of the country many times. I love learning about new cultures. I was a nanny for a while and love children and taking care of others. I think that I’m fairly attractive and try to always put my best face forward.

People tell me that I’m sweet and funny. Some people tell me I’m gorgeous. Most people wonder how it is that I am still single. They can’t believe that I haven’t ever been married and that I have no children. They wonder how it is that I’m still on the market… and I wonder that myself. I know that I’m picky. I won’t settle for less than I deserve. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. I just want my equal. I want someone who will love me for me. Not for what I can do for them. I want someone who shares my interests and intellectual capacity but isn’t lacking in social skills. I wonder if that person exists. Those that I’ve found that seem to meet that description run away as soon as they figure out I have a brain. I have a horrible suspicion that men just really want a trophy wife to cook and clean and who never has an opinion. I’m quite contemplative today, as you can tell. I think I’m just feeling much too frustrated with it all. I’m quite a catch if I do say so myself! I’ve just gotta focus on God and my life as it is. Bloom where planted. I have great friends, a wonderful family, I’m truly blessed. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. :-)

New Year Goals

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Hey y’all… I know I know… I have a tendency to fall off the face of the Earth sometimes. This year I’m not making resolutions I know I won’t keep. Such as, going to the gym five times a week, posting every single day, or not cursing at the bad drivers all over this dang city.

Instead I’m going to talk about realistic goals I’m setting for myself and ones that maybe you might be compelled to work on as well. Maybe these posts will speak to you, maybe you’ll just skim over and click on the doorknob one because evidently that’s the only real reason people are coming here. LOL.

So, my goals for this year are to live as happily and healthily as possible. I’m generally a happy person. I have always been a good eater. I watch my food choices and generally stay within the appropriate weight range for my size (if not a little below), but as for the exercise… well, I’m just dang lazy.

I’m setting up some Pilates classes I purchased on Groupon and though I cannot afford to keep them up each week (at $35 a session) I’m hoping they will jump-start me on the road to better health and I hope to share with you anything I find along the way that I think y’all could benefit from.

As for an update… well, I’m very active in my church. BEACH has been such a blessing. It’s nice to be back. :-)

In other news I went skiing in Colorado. It was absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous. The immense expanse of the Rockies are something that you never really can grasp until you see them in person.

My friend, Kelly, arranged for a group of girls to go with her and stay in a timeshare. It was so much fun. Also, my cousin, Catie, was able to drive over for one night from Colorado Springs so I got to hug on her for a bit. I can’t believe it’d been over 4 years since I’d last seen her.

The above pic was taken when some of us went tubing the first day there. I think that I had more fun tubing than anything else we did while in CO… We had so much fun!

Of course, I was totally unprepared. I really thought “eh, it’s been over 10 years since I’ve been skiing but I used to be pretty good so I’m sure I’ll pick it right back up.” Yeah. Right.

I’m happy to say that I made it to the top of Vail mountain, all 11,250 feet of it… and then made it to the bottom (by myself) without breaking any bones. My poor friend, Trish (in this pic above), had a massive panic attack about 1/4 of the way down and ski patrol had to take her off in a snow mobile. CRAZY. Poor thing. I will confess that my shins hurt so bad when I got to the bottom I cried.

In conclusion, it’s a wonderful place but definitely not for beginners or those who think they know what they’re doing but really don’t. I would encourage everyone to visit Colorado… it’s amazing. We spent a week in Vail and I drove in snow (with some awesome skills I may add) and it was a great escape for me this January. I needed to get away. Hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday and a fantastic start to 2011!

Here’s to hoping that I’m able to lower my stress level and increase my fitness level over the next year while continuing to focus on healthy eating habits and an overall positive attitude. :-)

God bless!