Category: about me


DONE

It’s done. Finished. Completed. Komplett. Fait. Finito. Volledig.

My Realtor sent me an email to let me know that everything has been signed, sealed, and delivered. I’m officially done with that chapter. My life has been in turmoil ever since the market collapsed and it is so bittersweet. On the one hand I’m happy that it’s over and that I no longer have to worry about drowning in debt. On the other hand I feel like a failure.

I bought a place thinking that it would grow in equity and that I could possibly move somewhere else and then I could keep this as a rental or that I could sell it and turn the profit into something better.

Instead everything went all pear shaped and after four years I end up being 100k upside-down. Such a strange turn of events. I don’t think anyone thought that it would be this way, that the market would collapse as it has, that people would be left stranded with absolutely no help from their lending institution because those very banks who we made our deals with participated in shady maneuvers and risky profit-making schemes. Our government bails them out to try and help us but instead they chose to make it more difficult.

It will never cease to amaze me that they were more willing to take the short sale than to work with me on my payments and help re-structure my loan. Even worse, they seem to be even more willing to take a foreclosure on the property instead of help with a short sale. As long as our government makes it more profitable for the banks to write off a foreclosure, people will continue to feel shafted.

It’s a sad state of affairs. The greed has run so rampant in this country. It’s pathetic. If there is one thing I hope we have learned from this Recession… it’s that we put way too much of an emphasis on consumerism and not enough on what is truly important.

I see it every day… parents take the children to dinner and the children play on their DS the whole time and the mom and dad just sit there in silence. We’ve basically taught our children that things are more important than people. I’ve read numerous articles about the power of family dinners. This was something my mother always made sure was a priority in my household and I am eternally grateful.

Should God bless me with a family I will certainly be sure to instill the values I deem so important but there is a bigger lesson here, folks. We need to get back to the way things were not but a hundred years ago… if you can’t afford something, don’t buy it. Credit used to be a bad thing. People would frown down upon the man who held a balance at the local general store.

I am certainly glad to be in something more manageable in my budget and as you well know, I’m already pretty cost-conscious. I haven’t had cable television for over 7 years now and each time I wish I had it I just go out to dinner with my friends and realize that I can chose to have TV or friendships. I don’t have manicured nails and I don’t have a car payment. I make choices to ensure that I’m not a burden on others and the release of this condo is one more step in the right direction.

Maybe in a few years, should my budget allow it, and I’ve built up enough of a savings account… I’ll consider owning property again. Until then I will be content where I am (Philippians 4:11-13). I will bloom where I am planted.

Thanks for listening to my rant/happy announcement. It’s definitely a bit all over the place (as I have been quite a bit lately). I really appreciate all the support of my family and friends (both near and far and via the interwebs)… without you I wouldn’t be near as able to look at the big picture and know that everything will be alright.

:-)

thoughts on moving

UGH.

This is totally not my favorite thing in the world… that’s for sure. I’m so over it already and it hasn’t even really started. I’m just grateful for the friends who are helping me, both with the actual packing, and just with getting me out of the house and keeping my sanity in tact.

When I first attempted to find my mailbox at my new place, my property manager was absolutely no help. I tried my key in every one (albeit not as strongly as I could have because I was afraid I was breaking the law and/or that I’d break the key) and nothing seemed to work.

I saw a nice little old lady walking by so I asked her what to do. She suggested that there might be more mailboxes in the back of the complex. I informed her that I had just checked there and hadn’t found any, so she said, “Well, let me get in and I’ll ride back there with you.” LOL. She hopped in, we drove to the back and, sure enough, there weren’t another set of mailboxes.

She was super nice and kept telling me that if there was ever anything I needed that she would be happy to let me borrow it, “Or you can just have it if you want.” TOO FUNNY. Then she proceeded to tell me about her herb garden out back and if I ever wanted, I could just come over and help myself and the scissors are on the shelves in the back porch. ADORABLE. So, I told her that I would stop by and see her once I get settled.

I called the post office and the nice mail-lady left me a note on my box so I would know which one it was and when I tried the key, it worked! I guess I didn’t try the key hard enough, but I’m glad that it works and I don’t have to pay to have it re-keyed. Good gracious.

This past weekend, however, I also encountered another bit of a nuisance. There was some truck parked in my numbered space so I left him a note asking him to please not park there. He moved. Later that evening when I came back from dinner with my parents he was there again. I didn’t stay there that evening otherwise I would have left another note for him to find in the morning and this time I wouldn’t have been so nice. This weekend I have movers coming and if he’s in my space I’m having him towed.

The movers come to get all the stuff from the condo on Saturday morning. My ex-stepmother is coming that same morning to get her bedroom furniture that I’ve had. Should be interesting. I have most things packed up but every time I think I’m pretty much finished I find more crap I need to go through. It takes me so much longer than it should because I’m trying to throw away crap and only keep the stuff I really need. It’s so hard for me to part with stuff. I don’t think that I’m a hoarder but I know that I have a deeper attachment with “stuff” than I should.

Also, I’ve been having really random dreams lately. I know it’s the stress of moving, etc. but it will certainly be nice to have a good night’s sleep once again. I’m looking forward to being settled in the new place. Mom sent up movers with some furniture this past Sunday and it’s already starting to come together. I’m looking forward to having an end of the summer housewarming party and, of course, my annual Christmas party which is on this year, NO MATTER WHAT!

Okay, I guess that’s all for now. I’ll try and post some pics of the new place once I get settled. Thanks so much for sticking by me through all my CRAP lately. I know I’ve been a bit distant and I really am going to make a better effort to communicate instead of shutting down.

Love y’all! God bless! :-)

rambling thoughts…

I’m posting this picture because it makes me happy.

It was taken on Grand Turk right in front of the largest Margaritaville in the world. I really enjoyed that vacation I took with my family that November.

I love my family.

I’m wrestling with something… if you had to choose between conditioned air and indoor plumbing which would you choose? Of course, it probably depends on where you are living… Florida is death without a/c in the summer!

Listening to music that reminds me of my mommy (like right now I’m listening to Joni Mitchell singing Cactus Tree) makes me cry (and my mother is alive) I can’t imagine how sad I will be when she passes away one day.

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy… and so does the music of John Denver… but again it reminds me of my mommy. It’s no wonder I can’t live more than an hour away from her.

Break-ups are hard. Not because you think it’s hard to not have that person in your life anymore but because it’s another failure. I don’t deal well with failure… I’m a perfectionist.

It’s hard to force myself to remember that the only perfect human was Christ and I need to stop trying to obtain the unobtainable. I need to be happy where I am.

Bloom where planted, right?

I’m excited about my new townhouse. I pick up the keys after work on Thursday. I can’t wait to start “nesting” in my new home.

I sure hope the neighbors are quiet. Right now the lady upstairs from me does aerobics and it sounds like the ceiling is going to cave in. It will be so wonderful to not have anyone above me… just beside me. I think I can handle noise from beside me.

Green really truly is my favorite color. I love green grass and trees and plants. I love green eyeshadow and usually choose it each morning when doing my makeup. I also like to choose green clothing to wear… probably because I have green eyes.

I actually had a guy say to me, “You have the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen!” and I replied, “Thanks but they’re green.”

I really want to take a cruise this December. There is a 5 day leaving from Port Canaveral on Carnival that’s really well priced… I just need to find people to actually go with me. Come on… you know you wanna.

I really hope I’m blessed one day with the opportunity to have a family. It’s tough being in your 30s and seeing people married with children and wondering if you’ll be lucky enough to have that happen to you as well.

I think it’s really annoying that I have such awful digestive issues. I swear everything I eat makes my stomach hurt. No matter what. It’s so ridiculous because I know that it’s mostly stress but I suck at managing my stress.

I really should get back into yoga.

Can you believe that YMCA changed it’s name to The Y? Muy interesante.

I get to have lunch at Moe’s today.

There is a place in LA (a sushi house) and when people walk through the door they shout something in Japanese. I think it’s “hello welcome to our restaurant”, or something. What’s funny is when I went there with my sister I said it was like “Welcome to Moe’s!” and she laughed because she’d been thinking the same thing but no one understood because they don’t have Moe’s out there.

I have to find a new primary care physician. I don’t want to have to do that work to find someone, take a risk that they’re not an idiot, transfer all my paperwork, etc. This sucks.

Also, I forgot just how many deposits I’d have to make for things like electricity, etc. at this new place. Moving isn’t the most fun… but it’ll be great once I’m settled.

I get to have dinner with my good friend from High School, Karen, on Wednesday night. We’re eating at Salt Water Cowboys. I LOVE that place. Hands down one of my favorite restaurants, ever!

I got to spend Saturday night and Sunday with my sister, Ashley, who flew in from LA this past weekend. She’s at camp this week in Leesburg but I’ll get to see her again this upcoming weekend. It’s so hard having her so far away.

I had no idea how long this list of rambling thoughts would be. Hope I didn’t bore you to death. Be sure to comment on anything I’ve mentioned… or, if you’d rather, comment with your own rambling thoughts. I’d love to read what y’all have to say.

God bless you all! Hope you’re having a wonderful week! :-)

hewwo?

Hey y’all … I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth … but I did hit a pretty big bump in the road.

Unfortunately things don’t always work out the way you’d like but in the end you realize that it’s for the best. I really thought I had found something special but now that it’s over (he ended it last Monday) I understand that I was making compromises that I shouldn’t have to make.

I want someone who shares my belief that there is a greater power out there governing all of us. I want someone who loves to ride bikes to the Lemon Bar but who also enjoys more than just sitting in a car-port all day drinking beer and watching TV while you sweat to death and bugs eat you alive. I want someone who wants to be with me so bad that they’re willing to do things like come to church with me or take me for a weekend getaway or play a game of cornhole at the beach.

So, it really was divine timing actually.

I recently got approved by BofA for the short-sale on my condo and have been looking for a place to live out at the beach. I had looked at a tiny one bedroom condo thinking that I probably wouldn’t be there a full year (because he had hinted around at plans for our future) and thought, well, it’s cheap and doable short-term. I really wouldn’t have been happy in that place and I’m glad that things ended when they did and I was able to really think about living long-term in a place and finding a place that will really make me happy.

I’m moving to a cute townhouse that has two bedrooms and two bathrooms upstairs and kitchen, living, dining, and a half bath downstairs. It has a nice little screened-in porch on the back that opens to a canal in the back yard. I think I will be very happy there. Plus, it has enough space for me to put all my stuff and have a guest room. Even better, it’s over the ditch (over the intra-coastal on the beach side of town) and that makes me very happy.

I really have grown to know myself better these past few months and realized what I really want out of life and, most importantly, my life-partner. So, I’m alright.

Keep praying for me.

I’m definitely in a transition period and still trying to figure out which direction I want to go.

“Don’t worry … about a thing … ’cause every little thing … is gonna be alright.”

Need You Around

Happy Monday y’all! Today, by request, I’m featuring “Need You Around” by Smoking Popes. I don’t want to jinx myself so I’m not going to say too much here … other than I’m very happy. :-)

If I could see into your heart
Then would I know just where to start?
Because I’m lost and I need to be found
Crazy as it sounds
I need you around

If I could stand to be on my own
Then I would probably just leave you alone
But I’m gonna feel this way till I’m six feet underground
Crazy as it sounds
I need you around

Turning, tossing and turning
My love is burning me down

If I could change one thing in this world
I’d change your mind and make you my girl
Because I’m lost and I need to be found
Crazy as it sounds
I need you around

I’m gonna feel this way till I’m six feet underground
Crazy as it sounds
I need you around

The Most Misused Verse in the Bible

Hey y’all … I saw this article on Relevant the other day and I just had to share. It really is amazing what our expectations are in relation to God’s timing. He really does know what is best for us … we just need to learn to trust Him more!

I have always struggled with patience and understanding of God’s will in my life. I always expected things to go MY WAY. Sometimes God would let things happen the way I wanted them to and then they’d all go pear shaped and I’d be so sad and wondering why He would let bad things happen to good people.

After some reflection I realized that I was the one who wanted it that way so I did it to myself. I have let things go recently (finally) and things have just suddenly fallen into place. God’s timing really is provident. He understands what is best for us and if we just trust that He has a plan then we will prosper according to His will.

It’s not all about the here and now … sometimes we have to trust in the bigger picture. :)

~MissCaron

The Most Misused Verse in the Bible

Why do we twist God’s promises—and how can we stop doing so? by: Chris Blumhofer

“Jeremiah 29:11 is one of the most misused promises in the whole Bible!” a teacher of mine once proclaimed. I nodded in agreement when I first heard my teacher say that, but to be honest I couldn’t tell you what he meant. “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11, ESV). What’s wrong with applying that to our lives?

Here’s how I learned the hard way: I first had the promise of Jeremiah 29 offered to me in a greeting card at my college graduation. Two “Precious Moments”-type figures prayed on the front of a card, and on the inside was God’s promise to give me a future and a hope. Naturally, I knew exactly what God’s future and hope meant for a person in my situation: a job. I had already begun looking for work, and the verse from Jeremiah was a boost to my confidence.

I spent most of the next year trying to find work. I sent hundreds of emails, revised dozens of resumes and cover letters. I perfected the “just checking to see if you received my application and would like to set up a time to talk” phone call. I had a few good interviews but no offers.

In this rather pitiful way, my job-seeking failures evoked a crisis. What was God waiting for? I asked. Where was my future and my hope? And why was God not providing for me? As I waited for answers to these questions, I learned how to read Jeremiah 29 differently and, even more importantly, how to recognize the subtle ways that my view of God had been twisted out of shape.

The real story

Learning to re-read Jeremiah 29 required me to back up and understand the story of Jeremiah, especially chapter 28. That earlier chapter records a confrontation between the prophet Jeremiah and another prophet named Hananiah. They are standing in the Jerusalem temple—which is empty because the Babylonians had ransacked the city—when Hananiah makes a bold promise: God is going to restore Israel in two years. (Two years!) All the things that were stolen, all the people forced into slavery, everything will be better in two short years. The tens of thousands of people living in exile will be coming home soon.

Jeremiah recognized exactly what kind of promise this was. It sounded good in the short term and would make Hananiah and his supporters very popular. Hananiah may even have believed the promise himself. But it wasn’t true. God had no plans to make everything better in two years. Speaking through Jeremiah, God says to Hananiah, “You have made these people trust in a lie.”

Then comes Jeremiah 29. Against the backdrop of false promises about prosperity—about God’s wonderful plan to set everything right in the near future—Jeremiah sends a letter to Babylon that says, more-or-less: “All of you people are going to be in exile for 70 years. You’re going to die in Babylon. Your children are going to die in Babylon. Settle in.”

We often read Jeremiah 29 like it is good news, plain and simple. But to the first people who heard those words, they were a tremendous disappointment. God’s people had suffered terribly. They had lost their land, their throne, their temple. Before Jerusalem fell in battle, the people had given in to cannibalism. They were then force-marched 800 miles and paraded (literally) through a pagan city in which they were now considered as the living symbols of the power of that city’s god.

It was into this kind of despair that Jeremiah offered God’s promise: “I know the plans I have for you … plans for your welfare and not for your harm, to give you a future and a hope.” They were not easy words to hear. Jeremiah promised that God had a plan that was certain and inevitable. But it would not unfold on Israel’s timetable. It would not simply undo Israel’s hardship. Yet the promise stood: God would fully restore His people and bring them out of their desperate situation, but He would not do it in the way any of them would have planned it.

All along I had heard Jeremiah 29 like I was listening to Hananiah—as if God would work out everything for my benefit in the near future and in ways that made sense to me. This is what my teacher meant about misusing God’s promise: we take Jeremiah 29 out of its context and hear in it the promises we want to receive.

God the vending machine

When we realize our interpretation of Jeremiah (or any passage) has given in to such a misreading, we should step back and consider how we arrived in a place where God more closely resembled a vending machine than our creator and savior. It was Martin Luther who quipped, “What the heathen had in their wood, we have in our opinions.” He meant by that saying to remind us idolatry still exists. The form of it changes in every generation, but the tendency for us to exchange the truth of God for a lie continually confronts each person. We have a startling capacity for self-deception.

With that in mind, it’s noteworthy that God speaks in Jeremiah 29:13–14 and says, “You will find me, if you seek me with all your heart … and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you.” The blessing (the restoration) is directly tied to being in right relationship with God. And being in right relationship flows from seeking “with all your heart.”

There are many ways to keep in check our subtle tendencies to twist God’s promises and plans into caricatures of what they really are. We can read the Bible with a greater sensitivity to context. We can open our thoughts about God and Scripture to others. Perhaps the most important way, however, is it to recommit ourselves to seeking God. Seeking God will not always result in fixes for life’s problems. Instead, it will cause us to realize we live within a much bigger story—one in which God resolves the disappointments of life in ways that far exceed our shortened sight.

Chris Blumhofer is a freelance writer and lives in Durham, NC, and is pursuing ordination in the Presbyterian ChurchHe has written for Out of Ur, Leadership and Faith & Leadership.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Yes folks, it’s once again that glorious time of year … the time to celebrate me, of course! LOL. It’s hard to believe that I’m into my 30s. Time truly flies!

Today, in true Florida fashion, it’s going to rain. Some years it’s absolutely gorgeous, others we have horrible rain. Guess that’s one of the perils of this season but I’m going to go to my favorite place anyway. I’m headed to the Lemon Bar to soak up some rays and some boat drinks and then to wander over to Sliders for a lovely dinner. The rain won’t keep me from doing my favorite things, that’s for sure!

Anyway, hope you’re having a wonderful weekend. Have a drink today in celebration of my birth ;-)

Heart of Gold

So, today I’m feeling a little sentimental… ♥To give a love, you gotta live a love. To live a love, you gotta be “part of”♥…

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and I don’t have a Valentine. Not that I’m super pissed about it or anything. I’m not going to drive my car off a cliff (not that we have cliffs in Florida), but it does make you think about how much pressure we put on people in this country to be a couple and that you’re not truly happy unless you have a significant other.

The whole Hallmark-ization of our holidays gets to be a bit overwhelming. The day really should be Anna Howard Shaw Day. She was the first female Methodist Minister and a leader in the women’s suffrage movement and Liz Lemon from 30 Rock made it quite clear who really should be celebrated on February 14 (read/watch this).

Anyway, sometimes I feel like I miss the companionship and tenderness of a partner however other times I’m actually rather happy I’m not attached. Today is one of the former days and not the latter so therefore I’m sharing with you some Neil Young. He’s got such great soul to his songs. Enjoy! :)

Heart Of Gold

Harvest Moon

A Man Needs A Maid

Out On The Weekend

Only Love Can Break Your Heart



When you were young
and on your own
How did it feel
to be alone?
I was always thinking
of games that I was playing.
Trying to make
the best of my time.

But only love
can break your heart
Try to be sure
right from the start
Yes only love
can break your heart
What if your world
should fall apart?

I have a friend
I’ve never seen
He hides his head
inside a dream
Someone should call him
and see if he can come out.
Try to lose
the down that he’s found.

But only love
can break your heart
Try to be sure
right from the start
Yes only love
can break your heart
What if your world
should fall apart?

I have a friend
I’ve never seen
He hides his head
inside a dream
Yes, only love
can break your heart
Yes, only love
can break your heart

Breaking Free

TRUE STORY.

Last night, while working on my 90 Days With The One And Only I felt an urge to look through my stuff to see if I still had my workbook, Breaking Free by Beth Moore. I don’t know why. Just something popped in my head that told me to look for it.

So, I pulled it out of my stuff and was thumbing through it and thought, maybe I’ll do this one when I’m done with the 90 Days because it will be good to refresh my memory and more important, I never ended up finishing it.

I put it aside and didn’t think much about it until today when I got an email from my friend, Tracy. She said that we would be starting up the church-wide bible study again this year in March and they’ve decided to do Breaking Free.

For reals. I’m not making this up. It’s like God wanted me to be prepared and was giving me a hint as to what I was going to be doing before I even knew it. Plus, this will be right when my personal study is coming to an end. How amazing!

I know that a lot of people don’t think that God speaks to them but I think that people don’t understand exactly how He speaks to us and we just need to be able to read between the lines.

Things like this happen all the time in my life and if I stop for a second and think about it, I realize that it’s God’s way of communicating to me. It’s such a blessing to be able to remember that He is an active participant in our lives even when we think He isn’t.

If you haven’t checked out any of Beth Moore‘s stuff I encourage you to do so. She’s amazing. Her studies are amazing. You will not believe how much you’ll get out of them if you just put in the time.

Okay, that’s all. God bless. :-)

Big booty?

Evidently someone searched the phrase “big booty.com” and was referred to my page. This is very interesting to me for two reasons: First, yes, I do have a big booty. Second, and more important, when did I happen to reference said booty on this site? Muy interesante!

Oh wait … I figured it out. Evidently the phrase is mentioned in my post “Five Fresh Gold Chains” … makes sense now.

Still, I think it’s quite interesting to see how people are referred to my website. I allow myself to come up in searches through sites like Google so it’s no wonder that I’m going to have some weird ones.

The top three phrases of all time are: “door knobs”, “front porches”, and actually the term “porch” as well.

TOP. THREE. PHRASES.

That’s sad in a way. Couldn’t I be known for something better? I mean, I’m flattered that I’ve written such great posts on porches and door knobs  and such, but all the rest of the top posts all have to with something home related: beautiful entryways, wingback chairs, etc.

Oh well. At least I have visitors … and I love each and every one of you! Yes, you! I love you, too!

I have to be completely honest though for just a quick moment as I’m super excited about something I found whilst browsing my blog stats. Are you ready for it? Okay … the #5 top searched term that led viewers to my site is …

wait for it …

.

.

.

wait. for. it.

.

.

.

JOURNEY!!!

Yes, folks, you can tell that Journey is mentioned frequently enough on my blog to have so many people click on my site through the various search engines by searching for the term “journey”. Yes, probably some of those searchers were not actually looking for information about the band and could have probably been needing much more information than I have provided, but still, it’s exciting nonetheless!

All the rest of the search terms are pretty legit and I have to say that by far my favorite search phrase has got to be about the booty because, let’s face it folks, I do have a pretty nice one! ;-)